Mondays

I feel defeated today. I can't even think of anything fun or witty to discuss. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a person of great feeling and emotion. Life would be so simple then. But, I am. I feel deeply and I feel for a long time. I look at circumstances and I know I shouldn't. I should be looking up, but I look around instead. I know how the psalmist felt when he looked around and saw the person with the bigger palace, the more successful kids, the great marriage and by all outward appearances - the perfect life. I see others who to seem to "have it all". I know in my head that is not true. They may have material wealth, but do they have salvation? If they don't then it is all for nothing. Unfortunately my heart yearns for a happier life. I have many good things in my life and I truly am blessed in many ways. But one area of my life is very near its end and I truly wish those circumstances could have been different. The funny part is (maybe I can find some wit after all) that I no longer have emotion in regard to that area of my life. Dead as doornail - as they say (who is they?). I used to weep and pray for healing, but now I am just ready for it to die. This poor dead horse has been beat for far too long.

I know I need to laugh. I need to find something funny and on purpose and out loud I need to laugh. I know this will help with my personal healing.

It's lonely tonight. I put words out, but nothing is coming back except my own echo. God, please tear down the walls I have built and let me hear another voice besides my own.

"“My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white"” - Monty Python